Do you ever have the intent to do something and then just cannot seem to follow through? That is how I have been with, well, just about everything lately. It all started about mid October when I had a rather ridiculous experience with an opposing counsel where he called me a racist (clearly he has no clue about my life) and then said "what's wrong with you, I don't see a ring on your finger?" IN A DEPOSITION. Nope, not kidding. This is how family law attorneys act. Because you know something, the Bar Association doesn't care and the courts don't care. They don't want attorneys to "quibble" and refuse to do anything at all about bad behavior. The issue with this attorney's behavior was not that he was aggressively advocating for his client, but that he took the time to insult a young female attorney. Talk about gender discrimination. (Oh, and again, he knows nothing about my life.... clearly.) I knew this guy's reputation and went into the case with the intent of being nothing but professional. To my credit, I have upheld this position. I really hope this man doesn't have any daughters.... The good thing is, when I'm done with this case, I get to go on being me and he has to stay him. Ah, sweet justice.
Anyway, despite realizing this now, I was pretty pissed off for a while. Here I am, trying to be courteous and professional, and getting my ass reamed for it. WTF! At least I set the intent of being professional from the get go. If I had gone into the situation with a different intent I might have not acted in a way that reflected who I am as a person. Good intent.
Next, I am taking a class to become a nutritional therapist. I seriously love the subject matter. LOVE IT. Something I'm not so sure about... learning how to perform a "functional evaluation" on a client. Yup, that means I have to touch people. If you know me at all, you know that is really not my thing. But, after performing it a couple times over the weekend, I now realize it isn't that bad.... actually, I'm really interested in it and can't wait to practice on the BF. I have a blood pressure cuff and stethoscope! How cool is that? ha! The sad part about all of this? I had the best intent to keep up with my homework and not fall behind. I guess that full time job part is a killer. (On a side note, I have been freaking called on in class two out of four days.... CALLED ON. I did NOT take this class to feel like I was in law school again. And you will have to laugh: the teacher asked me "Have you ever had the experience of being called on in a class before?" Um, yes, I have had that horribly humiliating experience, over and over again for three years. I get it in court all of the time. And I'm not into it in something I'm solely doing FOR FUN, thanks ;-)) Anyway, my intent was to do something out of my element that I enjoy. And, quite frankly, to get over myself. Let go a little bit. Ah, good intent.
Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about where I am, where I want to be, what I want. There are times where I have been so inspired. I was recently appointed as a Commissioner to the Seattle Women's Commission. I am working on a community proposal for my nutrition class. I have an amazing family and friends. Then there are times where literally, I crawl under the covers and hang out with the dog. The change of seasons get me every time....
I think the important thing to remember when dealing with difficult people and life changes is to focus on your intent. Your own goals. How you want others to see you. Do you want to be seen as a professional? Be respected? Do you want to challenge yourself? Do things you are uncomfortable doing? At the beginning of all of my yoga classes I always set the same intent. Be kind to yourself today. I have a habit of pushing myself, of being mean to myself when I'm not good at something, but for that 90 minutes I make it a priority to be kind. So, I've decided to start living my entire life this way. (This won't just be an overnight change, but a positive step in the right direction.) Good intent. Be kind. Don't be mean to myself when I don't get all of my homework done. When I have one too many glasses of wine. Or 1/2 a block of cheese. Kindness. Good intent.
My life philosophy is this: BE KIND. Kind to yourself, kind to other humans, kind to animals and kind to the earth.
And, just so you know I'm not becoming a total hippie:
XoXo,
LG
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