Friday, June 18, 2010

Being Nice

OK, this isn't going to be the most cheerful blog post. I have been struggling with being nice lately. I have noticed that I am rude to my boyfriend, rude to strangers, and was using a bitchy voice with my co-worker today. What, I repeat, what is this all about? I need HELP before I completely ruin my relationship. (This post was precipitated by a HUGE fight where I was rude and my boyfriend totally overreacted, probably b/c I was rude earlier this week also...) How can I bite my tongue and have these bitchy statements not come out of my mouth? I'm sure it doesn't help that I have been sick for 10 days. It doesn't help that I was jet lagged. Or that my job is rather blah right now. But NONE of these are good reasons to be rude. I love my boyfriend dearly. I appreciate every thing he does for me. Why am I being such a giant bitch? It is like I need some sort of attitude adjustment, and I don't want that to be my boyfriend ending up leaving me b/c I'm such a bitch. And, I know you might be thinking, well, what has he been doing? The answer is nothing that warrants my bitchiness.

I think I am afraid. We decided to move in together and I am afraid. My fear is making me a bitch. Now that is figured out, how do I calm myself down? I am not a very laid back person. I like things done a certain way. I don't like strife in my life. But I really need to figure out a way to be nicer these days. I feel like I am nice most of the time but I started feeling really bitchy on my Italy trip. Probably had to do with being in a tiny room sharing a bed with my mother for 8 days who snores like a freight train. She would kill me for posting that, but something has to explain my lack of sleep. I felt cranky the entire time I was there and I haven't been able to shake it. So, dear readers, any ideas? Is anyone else sometimes a giant bitch to their boyfriend for really no reason??? And I can't even blame PMS!

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