Friday, February 17, 2012

Wake up, wake up

Today started off with a fabulous breakfast scramble with eggs, cheese and arugula and a slice of toast.  Actually, today started off with a heart to heart with L.  Things have been a little rough this week but this morning's talk really felt good.  After the talk I made breakfast, drowned in coffee and rushed into the office.  I also packed a yoga bag to hit up yoga again today.  Who am I? 

 (Yummy breakfast)

I've felt like I need something akin to religion (but not church/religion or anything that preaches hatred) in my life so I've turned more and more towards yoga.  My mat is my safe place.  Yesterday I cried.  Not hard and not for long.  I have been frustrated with some personal things in my life lately and when I couldn't hold the balancing poses I cried.  I realize that isn't what yoga is supposed to be about, it is a practice and not a competition.  I decided to hang out in child's pose for a few breathes, thought about how life isn't about an ending, it is about a journey, so I got back up and kept up with my journey.  No laying around crying for me. 

So today I'm going back.  I'm going back b/c I feel safe and comforted in that heat.  Because with sweat dripping down my face I feel like I've accomplished something.  And when I'm there I don't need to worry about anything else but being there. 

Life isn't always easy.  Relationships aren't always easy.  Work isn't always easy.  But I really believe that how we handle the tough spots, the rough patches, the lows.... that is what defines us.  Do we lay down (yes, sometimes we do) but I am always going to get back up.  I WANT a happy life.  I WANT a big circle of friends.  I WANT a loving, caring relationship.  To a certain extent all of this is they way we perceive our lives.  Are we that person who nothing good ever happens to or are we that person who tries our hardest, day in and day out, to live life to the fullest?  Do we take risks?  Do we stay where it is safe?  There is nothing wrong with safe, and safe is always a good thing, but not at the cost of unhappiness. 

Don't get me wrong.  I have a beautiful life.  I just have had a wake-up call this week and want to make sure I'm not resting, not settling, not giving up on ME.  At the end of the day, at the end of our lives, at the end all we have is ourselves.  So I am going to spend every day making sure that I am happy with the most important person, ME.  I don't mean this in a selfish way.  Sometimes, oftentimes, taking care of ME means loving someone else, being selfless, realizing how small you actually are in this universe.  But that no matter, your contribution does matter.  Your positivity on one day could mean the world to someone else.  Your small chat on the way out of a yoga class might just make that person's day.  I know it did mine yesterday.  When the girl in the elevator was friendly and chatty about the class we were just in together, it made me feel so much better.  Sometimes a girl just has a rough class.  A rough day.  And that small thing says "WAKE UP!  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!"

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