So, I had lofty goals for 2011. One of them was to get my weight down. After two years and ten pounds, I really want to drop this and get back to what I weighed for the previous 15 years. I have been working out like crazy, 6 days a week mostly. Making sure to get 100+ grams of protein a day, counting every calorie, keeping track of all of my nutrients. For at least a month. Yes, I cheat on the weekends, go out to about two dinners a week and also probably drink too much wine on those nights. For three weeks I was solid, perfect. Did the scale change? Nope, not at all. Did my measurements change? Nope. Not one little bit. So, I decided to eat whatever I wanted and have wine with dinner more than twice a week. Did the scale change? Nope. Did my measurement change? Nope. Excuse me for my language, but WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? I obsess, nothing. I do what I want. Nothing! Have I mentioned that I am beyond frustrated? I just want this god damn ten lbs to go away. I want my suits to fit me. I realize it isn't 50lbs and I realize that I am "healthy" but for me, 10lbs is a lot. It means I can't wear half of my clothes. It means I feel chubby. And it means my face looks fat. Maybe I need to stop being so hard on myself. Maybe I should just be happy where I am. But really, I don't think that is reasonable. B/c if I accept this, then I will accept another ten pounds, then another, then another. Does anyone have ANY ideas? I am about to just start not eating!
Anyway, sorry for the rant. This morning I cried after I got on the scale at my gym. I cried at home after my boyfriend told me to not yell about how it makes me upset. Then the dog came and tried to sit in my lap (he is a 70lb yellow lab) b/c he knew how upset I was. Funny how animals know.
In good news, I am meeting my savings goals and there will be one other REALLY big change in 2011/2012. I am starting to put it together now..... let's just say I finally have an idea of what I want to do career wise!