Friday, July 9, 2010

Am I being nice?

In general I think so, but the funny thing is I'm not sure how exactly to change my behavior. I think this is because I'm not entirely sure what "nice" entails. Would it be "nice" of me to clean up my messes in the house? Most likely. Would I be any "nicer" if I didn't snap at my boyfriend? Definite YES. Am I being "nice" if I go home for the weekend to visit my parents? Probably.

In some ways these are all good things, but selfish me says "what about being nice to yourself?" How can I be nicer to myself? The saying goes, in order to love someone else you have to love yourself first, right? So why do I tell myself mean things? Some of the stuff I tell myself I would NEVER say to another human being. Some of the stuff I do to myself I would never recommend other people do. Also, if I was nicer to myself, would I then be nicer to other people?

So, this is where I'm at... how do I change some of the "scripts" I have been telling myself for years? Those mean comments about not being good enough or thin enough or short or tall enough or whatever enough? How does one stop doing this? And what happens when outside influences "prove" that my inner critic was "right"? (It really is never right, but it sure is easy to convince yourself it is...)

Today I was in court for one of my two hearings and I sort of felt like a fraud. Sometimes I still feel like a little girl dressed up in my mom's clothes. I was sitting there thinking "Gee Leslie, you sure aren't as articulate as that other attorney." And then I said, "Screw you, yes I am, and I'm clearly as smart and just as educated. I have a job where they believe I can do this. I deserve to be here!" And that, my friends, is being nice to yourself and standing up to that inner critic. (Don't comment on my craziness of talking to myself!!!)

Now, how can I always do that for myself?

1 comment:

Carolyn said...

You're a rockstar and don't you forget it!!!