Monday, September 27, 2010


For some reason I have the absolute worst anxiety today.  The kind that is physical.  That you feel in your chest.  Primal anxiety.

I have not been able to get back to a normal schedule or routine since my trip in August.  It is now almost October.  We are leaving again this week for a weddding, the following weekend is another wedding and then, that Monday, I. Turn. 30.  I am terrified for some reason. 

Things that cause me anxiety:  flying, being gone from work (again), drama (fighting w/ bf), turning 30.  All of these I'm doing in the next two weeks.  Two weeks from today I'll no longer be in my 20s.  Can you say panic attack? 

This weekend my bf gave me an early bday present (it is so fancy I almost don't want to say what it is!) and for some reason I have all of this anxiety about that.  Like, maybe I don't deserve such a nice present, sometimes I'm a huge bitch and don't clean up after myself and on and on and on.  The nice gift gives me anxiety.  Going to Hawaii is giving me anxiety.  Do I maybe think I don't deserve these things on some subconscious level?  Or, maybe, do I just need some calm time with myself?  How do you know when anxiety will be something you can control or when it will start to overwhelm you?  I better figure it out soon...


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